One of my favorite phrases is “finding the dots is more difficult than connecting them.” I use this a lot, but I don’t take credit for it. I’m not sure who first uttered it, but I read it in an article published in The Futurist magazine in 2002 about “Weak Signals”. That article was about looking for the Next Big Thing, but my realization was that “finding the dots” was a treasure that could and should be applied to our personal and professional growth.
In my experience in leadership development, I have come to believe that overcoming limits and improving relationships is largely about Observing, Understanding and Transforming the behavior patterns that affect our personal and professional lives. The concept of connecting the dots is so crucial to this process that it is practically a mantra. Connecting the dots allows you to Understand how past events (even those you did not personally experience) impact your present day behavior. My experience also tells me that most people, when confronted with the facts (the “dots” of their past so to speak) make these connections with little assistance. Where they struggle most is in seeing those truths in the first place.
I have no doubts that there are many ways to take a voyage of self discovery. For me, and many of the leaders I have worked with, the journey starts with looking back, waaay back.
Say what you want about the role of nature versus nurture in our intellect and our innate abilities, but there can be little doubt that our behaviors are a result of our experiences. Family, Culture and Crisis are the framework upon which we are built, and how we have reacted to each of those ingredients is who we are today. Taking a hard look at those elements is the basis of moving from self awareness to self understanding as I have previously written.
I’m not talking about therapy here, though that certainly may be an important path for some. I’m talking about a journey of discovery to truly understand what came before you, to understand WHY you are, not simply WHAT you are. How many of us spend time looking back at our past, our families or our culture, beyond what we know of our parents through the filter of our lifetimes? Very few, I wager. We may have known grandparents, aunts, uncles, maybe even great grandparents. We heard stories, the ones they liked to tell or the ones that seemed important enough to share. Those are the easy dots, the ones left on display for everyone to see, and they helped us form a picture of where we came from. But they are not enough to allow us to understand why we are who we are. Understanding involves going deeper, making difficult, uncomfortable or perhaps even painful discoveries. It involves talking to our family to learn how they felt and dealt with situations, asking about ancestors and times of crisis and loss, as well as victory and success. It requires turning over rocks and climbing trees looking for dots, not just picking up the ones in plain sight. For myself, and I suspect for many others who have experienced this, the process of “going deep” and examining your past is the real work, and holds the real revelations.
No, connecting the dots is not easy per se, but the connections are often obvious for all but the most ardent deniers. For most of us, finding the dots truly is more difficult than connecting them.
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