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Whether we are conscious of it or not, we all project our own biases onto the behavior of others, often leading to misunderstandings of intent. This can be a particularly serious problem for leaders as it can lead to mistrust and a host of other problems that diminish our effectiveness. So how can leaders discover the real intent and find shared objectives with the people they serve?

First, leaders must ‘do the work’ to uncover their personal biases, then acknowledge that these biases are influencing how they perceive the actions of their people. They should strive to have a deep understanding of their own biases and recognize when they show up in relationships. This can be done through coaching or other methods of personal learning, as well as by seeking feedback from others.

Second, leaders should actively listen and seek to understand the perspective of others. This means asking open ended questions to gain context and perspective. It means actively seeking feedback, even if it may be uncomfortable. It also means checking in frequently, not to micro manage but rather to gain an understanding of the challenges and needs of others. Effective leaders encourage others to share their thoughts and ideas, and create a culture of open communication where people are not afraid to ‘speak truth to power’.

Third, set clear expectations and goals. When expectations are clear, it is easier for people to understand what is expected of them, communicate the challenges, and work towards a shared objective. This includes defining what success looks like and how it will be measured in terms of shared understanding and meaning. Show people why it is important to YOU and demonstrate that you understand why it is important to THEM. Recognize that the path to success is not a straight line and celebrate progress.

Finally, leaders should be willing to adapt their approach when necessary. When working with others, one size does not fit all and the approach that has served you so well in the past may be an obstacle in the present. Be open to feedback and willing to change course if your approach is not working. This requires a willingness to be vulnerable and admit when things are not going as planned.

Leaders can discover the real intent of others, and find shared objectives by understanding their own biases, actively listening, setting clear expectations and goals, and being willing to adapt their approach when necessary. It takes time and effort to develop these skills, and you need to find someone who will be brutally honest (without being brutal) with you to help you get at observation level of your own behavior.

Goals are powerful tools to help us achieve what we want in life, but managing our expectations is just as important. The truth is that no matter how hard we try, we will not always achieve our goals exactly as we envisioned them. This doesn’t mean that we have failed or that we shouldn’t appreciate our progress along the way. In fact, recognizing and appreciating progress can have a positive impact on our emotional well-being.

Focusing on the failure of not achieving a goal can be detrimental to our mental health. It can lead to feelings of disappointment, frustration, and even depression. Perhaps most critically, focusing on the ‘failure’  can also cause us to give up on the goal entirely, and damage our feeling of self worth. Recognize that any goal worth setting will be a challenge to achieve, and it is important to acknowledge that there will be setbacks along the way and be open to outcomes that are not exactly as we envisioned them.

I’m not suggesting that we ignore failure, however it is essential to focus on progress, learning and growth. Even if we don’t achieve our goals, we can still learn valuable lessons along the way that can help us grow and develop. Recognizing our progress and the steps we take towards our goals can help us feel more motivated and positive about the process.

Suppose you set a goal to lose 20 pounds in three months, but only lost 10 pounds. You may feel disappointed and even give up on your goal. You might even back slide so far that you gain all the weight back and then some. However, if you focus on the progress and realize that you were able to lose 10 pounds, you can acknowledge that this is a significant accomplishment. You may also recognize that you developed healthier eating habits and exercised more, which are positive changes that will benefit you in the long run.

Appreciating progress can also help us stay motivated towards our goals. Celebrating even small successes can provide a sense of accomplishment and momentum to keep going. It’s essential to keep in mind that progress towards a goal almost NEVER linear, so focusing on the positive can help us stay committed and persevere through challenges.

These principals translate directly to leadership as well. It is crucial to set clear goals for your team that are challenging but achievable. However, it’s also important to be mindful of the impact of unrealistic expectations and the potential negative effects they can have on a team’s morale and motivation.

Sometimes it is possible to break down larger goals into smaller ones. This approach can help team members feel a sense of progress and accomplishment as they work towards the larger goal. Regular check-ins and feedback sessions can also be helpful to track progress and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

As a leader, it’s crucial to be positive and supportive when team members are making progress, even if it’s not quite as much as they (or you) had hoped. This positive reinforcement can help boost morale and keep team members motivated.

It can also be very effective to ‘celebrate failure’ as a way to shed light on the fact that sometimes when we try hard things we fail, and that we can always learn something from the failure to help us move forward. Failures should be an opportunity to provide constructive feedback and have open discussions about what might have been done differently. Staying away from judgement, blame and accusation creates an environment where people are not afraid to try things because they know it is OK to ‘fail’ if they learn from the experience and make progress.

These steps can help to create a culture of continuous improvement. Encouraging team members to reflect on their progress and identify areas for growth can help foster a growth mindset and create a sense of shared responsibility for the team’s success. Leaders can facilitate this by providing opportunities for training and development, setting up mentorship programs, and encouraging team members to learn from their mistakes.

As a leader you want to set clear, challenging and achievable goals, and manage expectations to avoid causing demotivation and disengagement. Recognizing and appreciating progress is a powerful motivator for teams, even when goals are not fully met. Creating a culture of continuous improvement will improve engagement and help teams grow and develop, while timely and constructive feedback will support ongoing learning and development.

Some priority in your life is almost certainly in “Last Place”. It could be your career, your leisure time, your health, a relationship with someone, or a myriad of other important things. We make decisions every day about what we are going to spend our time and effort on. Almost invariably that means something that is important doesn’t get as much attention as it should.

Focusing on progress, success and achievement is a good way to keep a positive mental attitude. But focusing too much on the positive can also be a way to distract ourselves from ugly realities, to convince ourselves that everything is ‘fine’. We may not be surrounded by flames like the popular meme, but there may be important things we are neglecting.

Conversely, focusing on negatives or failures can be very destructive if not done with purpose and intent. We can easily allow ourselves to fall into despair and convince ourselves that we are not worthy, that we are not important.

Balanced focus is required. Balance does not mean that everything in your life gets the same priority all the time. Balance demands a deep examination of your values and an understanding of what is important in the short, medium, and long terms in support of those values. Balanced focus gives you a yardstick to help determine the appropriate amount of attention to bring to your life priorities. Balance is self leadership, defining a vision and focusing on all aspects of it without being blown off course by the crisis (or triumph) of the moment.

What is important to you in life? Write it down, or if making written lists is not your thing, at least mentally define your life priorities. You might even speak them out as part of daily affirmations. The point is to have something that you can use as a foundation when making decisions. Review your list frequently to see if the importance is reflected in your actions or if you are letting certain things fall to the back of the pack. Are you letting immediate and pressing ‘needs’ derail your priorities? Decide if corrections needs to be made in the priorities or in your actions.

Last place can still cross the finish line, and can still be a success. Not everything requires your full focus at all times.

Checking in with your remote team members frequently can help grow and maintain strong relationships, but micromanaging them can destroy trust and engagement. Are you checking IN with people or are you checking UP on them? Let’s talk about the difference.

So here we are, a year into the pandemic, and I’m sure most of you are still dealing with teams that are remote, or partly remote. And you know that it’s important to keep up good communication with those teams.But here’s the question. When you communicate with your team members, are you checking in on them, or checking up on them?

There can be a big perceived difference. Checking UP on someone means, wondering WHAT they are doing. How are they using their time? Checking IN on someone means wondering HOW they are doing, and whether or not there is anything you can do to help them.

It’s more important then ever to cultivate a culture of trust in this environment, and you certainly won’t instill trust in your people by checking up on them. You may, however, strengthen the bonds you have by checking in on them, making sure they are doing well, and seeing how you can help them. Because remember, you are not in charge of people, people are in your charge.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with having tactical meetings or discussions to get up to date on project status and to make sure that things are moving along. But if those are the only communications you are having with your people, then you’re not really communicating at all, you’re managing.

So take the next step, and check in on your team. How are they doing working from home? Are they finding it difficult to balance the needs of work and home? Maybe they’re home schooling their kids. Maybe they need some support. Find out what you can do for them. Maybe they need office equipment. Maybe they need a tutor for their kids. Maybe they need a few days off! Maybe they need to adjust their working hours. Maybe they need to be available to you at different times of the day than you normally expect them to be.

Ask questions. Learn what challenges they’re facing, and find out what you can do for them as their leader. In other words, treat them like human beings that you genuinely care about, rather than like resources. Checking in on people is an important skill, whether they’re remote or in the office. Something we don’t think much about. While we’re all together in the same location, it’s a little easier to catch up on the trials of the day, and find out what TV shows are interesting to your co-workers. But when they’re remote, we tend to focus on business, spend less time talking, and more time acting. Let’s not forget to take time to be human.

We are tired. That is the hard truth. We are tired of staying socially distant. We are tired of wearing masks. We are tired of postponing our lives, and frankly we are tired of hearing about COVID. Death counts, infection counts, vaccines, ALL of it.

And yet we still have to accept and deal with it. Leaders have an obligation to acknowledge that the crisis continues and remind everyone diligence is needed. They need to talk about the impacts on individuals, the business, and the community at large. These are important things, so how can you be heard in the era of CCF (COVID Communication Fatigue)?

The holiday season is upon us, and most business and community gatherings are not being held this yer. The opportunities for warm and inspirational presentations are few, but most of us will still plan to share a message with our teams, and we simply cannot (should not) avoid the subject of COVID. Here are some thoughts about how you can include a COVID element in your year end communication that people might actually pay attention to:

• Keep a positive tone. You may need to deliver somber news, but avoid doom and gloom.
• Express thankfulness for those in your circles who have not experienced any serious health complications as a result of COVID, and acknowledge that not all are so lucky.
• Express genuine sympathy and support for those with less fortunate outcomes.
• Talk about how the impacts of COVID reach far beyond the sickness of an individual. Tell personal and relatable stories that demonstrate the ‘butterfly effect’ that a COVID infection has on individuals, families, the business, and entire communities.
• Acknowledge that the measures taken in the workplace are having a positive impact (assuming that is the case) and thank people for their diligence in following guidelines.
• Thank employees for going above and beyond in a time of need. Share stories of people working across areas of responsibility to support one another.

Close your message with a wish for a happy, safe and healthy holiday season, and a simple ‘ask’ that employees demonstrate the same diligence at home that they do in the workplace. Stay away from lists of ‘virtuous’ behavior such as “keep gatherings small” and “wear masks”. People hear this enough, and shaming is a failed strategy.

Not everyone will hear your message. Not everyone will heed the call to action. But that does not mean you should stop trying. If you provoke a few to think and act differently, you make progress.

Are you ready for the holiday season?

I’m not talking about completing your shopping or preparing the Thanksgiving menu. Of course these things can be stressful, and are even more so in this surreal 2020 holiday season. I’m talking about being ready for those awkward, emotional or explosive family moments. I’m talking about being away from work when “work” has filled your home for 10 months. I’m talking about the disappointment of someone staying away. I’m talking about all the regular holiday stuff, turned up to 2020.

Holidays are overwhelming for a lot of people under even the most normal and mundane circumstances, never-mind what we are experiencing today. So how can we cope? Of course we have no choice. The holidays will come, the pandemic will continue, the politics will divide, and we all need to find a path to the other side.

Control the things you can. Planning can be your friend during the holidays, just as long as you don’t become a slave to the plan or bang your head against a wall instead of changing course. If you aren’t a planner, give it a try. Make some part of this process brainless so all you have to do is follow step by step instructions. But be flexible and adaptable. Most plans fall apart in battle…

Accept the things outside of your control. Pandemics, weather, needy customers, annoying family, etc. are not things that you can change, so try not to waste your energy railing against them. Easier said than done, I know. Try to ask yourself if you have any real influence over the issue, or if taking on the additional pressure and emotional stress is helpful…

Realize that the only person you can control is yourself. You get to choose how you react to situations. If you are feeling like that is not the case, take a pause and ask yourself ‘what about the situation is triggering me to react in a way that is counter productive and why?’ It’s a waste of energy to expect others to change their behavior or control their emotions, especially if you aren’t able to control your own…

Stop telling yourself stories about what other people mean or intend. This one is powerful in all aspects of life. Most of us see the words and behavior of others through our own bias, and we tell ourselves lots of stories about their intent and emotion. When it comes to confrontation, we are very frequently wrong. This is a natural result of a number of cognitive biases and it is important to recognize it. Taking an inquisitive posture rather than a defensive one has the power to defuse a lot of conflict situations. Our similarities are more powerful than our differences…

I realize that these tips are superficial, and that it is too much to expect that you can suddenly flip a switch and not react emotionally to situations that you are faced with. At the end of the day this is a learned skill that requires you to develop a deeper understanding of the roots of your own behavior and emotions. Start the journey.

Old age and treachery will beat youth and exuberance every time, or so the saying goes.

Often times this seems all too true, particularly if you are young and restless. The world is, for the most part, run by old people, more specifically, old men and, if you live in a western country, likely old white men. These leaders are completely unrelatable for many youth, and obviously (to them) ‘don’t understand’ the world faced by young people today.

Youth care about things these elders seemingly don’t. They see things their leaders seemingly can’t. Youth are motivated to tear down an unjust establishment while elders appear to defend the familiar. At least this is the narrative.

I was having a spirited discussion about the sorry state of affairs in the world with two millennials. We can all easily agree that the world needs excellent leadership today more than ever. We need leaders who are inclusive, who are empathetic, and who are authentic. The discussion was wide ranging, and at one point the issue of age came into play. They are frustrated with the choices they have, no matter what their political leanings, and are swayed by passionate young people with strong messages that resonate with their principles. And this is where I got into a bit of trouble (not entirely accidentally) when I said:

Youth and inexperience are not the most important qualifications to be a leader.

Bitter Old Man

The reaction was predictable and I deserved it. It is an inflammatory statement for sure, especially to the ears of young adults who hear just another old man telling them to ‘get off my lawn’. After the eye rolling, I defended myself. I offered that while a completely unbiased perspective can be extremely useful, ignorance is not as a rule a desirable trait in leadership. To be clear, I didn’t say that young people can’t or shouldn’t be leaders, and I could have just as easily said “Being old and jaded are not the qualifications to be a leader.” and that would be equally true.

My point was simple. Leadership is not one dimensional, and the attributes which make a good leader are not one dimensional. Young is not better than old. Female is not better than male, atheist is not better than devout.

There are few things in life of which I am certain. Here is one:

When faced with any challenge, there are more ways to succeed than we believe, and more ways to fail than we can possibly imagine.

This applies to everything from hitting a ball to curing disease.

This is not intended to be an intimidating thought, it is a liberating one. Each failure expands our understanding of the elements that need to come together in order to secure success. This is the key not to accept failure, but rather to accept failure as an interim outcome… and making sure it doesn’t kill you.

Many of us devote a lot of time toward thinking about how things can go wrong. This is important for many reasons, and if done with purpose can help lead to better thinking about solutions. But it can also be a trap of negativity. No problem has a single solution. The paths to success are many and the more of them we are able to imagine and explore, the better we understand the challenges and the more likely we are to succeed.