Are you ready for the holiday season?
I’m not talking about completing your shopping or preparing the Thanksgiving menu. Of course these things can be stressful, and are even more so in this surreal 2020 holiday season. I’m talking about being ready for those awkward, emotional or explosive family moments. I’m talking about being away from work when “work” has filled your home for 10 months. I’m talking about the disappointment of someone staying away. I’m talking about all the regular holiday stuff, turned up to 2020.
Holidays are overwhelming for a lot of people under even the most normal and mundane circumstances, never-mind what we are experiencing today. So how can we cope? Of course we have no choice. The holidays will come, the pandemic will continue, the politics will divide, and we all need to find a path to the other side.
Control the things you can. Planning can be your friend during the holidays, just as long as you don’t become a slave to the plan or bang your head against a wall instead of changing course. If you aren’t a planner, give it a try. Make some part of this process brainless so all you have to do is follow step by step instructions. But be flexible and adaptable. Most plans fall apart in battle…
Accept the things outside of your control. Pandemics, weather, needy customers, annoying family, etc. are not things that you can change, so try not to waste your energy railing against them. Easier said than done, I know. Try to ask yourself if you have any real influence over the issue, or if taking on the additional pressure and emotional stress is helpful…
Realize that the only person you can control is yourself. You get to choose how you react to situations. If you are feeling like that is not the case, take a pause and ask yourself ‘what about the situation is triggering me to react in a way that is counter productive and why?’ It’s a waste of energy to expect others to change their behavior or control their emotions, especially if you aren’t able to control your own…
Stop telling yourself stories about what other people mean or intend. This one is powerful in all aspects of life. Most of us see the words and behavior of others through our own bias, and we tell ourselves lots of stories about their intent and emotion. When it comes to confrontation, we are very frequently wrong. This is a natural result of a number of cognitive biases and it is important to recognize it. Taking an inquisitive posture rather than a defensive one has the power to defuse a lot of conflict situations. Our similarities are more powerful than our differences…
I realize that these tips are superficial, and that it is too much to expect that you can suddenly flip a switch and not react emotionally to situations that you are faced with. At the end of the day this is a learned skill that requires you to develop a deeper understanding of the roots of your own behavior and emotions. Start the journey.
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