The following was originally published on Medium in February 2018
No, this is not an article about travel tips, or how it is wrong to ask your subordinates to perform manual labor for you. This is an article about the other ‘baggage’ that you, and me, and the rest of us, bring to work every day.
It is no secret that for most workers, and possibly even more so for knowledge workers, the idea of separating “life” from “work” is nonsense. Work is a part of life, some of you might even go so far as to define a large part of yourself by your work.
Similarly, life is a part of work. You can no more separate who you are at home from who you are at work than you can shed your skin. Sure you can cover it with a suit, put a mask on it, or whatever, but that doesn’t change who you fundamentally are. If you truly believe that your personal life has nothing to do with how you ‘show up’ to work, you either aren’t being honest with yourself or you are ignoring evidence to the contrary. All of us are the sum of our life experiences, and research in the field of epigenetics supports the idea that we are also influenced by the life experiences of our ancestors. That’s right, past triumphs and traumas of relatives you never knew who are long dead can have an influence on you, today, here and now.
Self awareness is a trait that gets talked about a lot in leadership development, and it is absolutely critical that you know what set of traits you are bringing to the table. Tools like Myers-Briggs or DISC can be useful, but they simply do not go far enough. To be a true leader requires deep empathy, and that requires an understanding of WHY people behave, not just HOW they behave. And that journey starts with a long look in the mirror. What is in the baggage you carry with you through life? Why are you a lone wolf instead of a pack member? A rebel rather than a conformist? An “E” vs “I” , or whatever else fits? What are the elements of Family, Culture, and Crisis that have formed your behaviors? It takes a deep dive and hard work to get real answers and to develop a true understanding of the roots of your own behavior. Only when you have that understanding are you able to transform, to truly choose how you react in certain situations and not to be simply driven by your ingrained patterns. You are also able to look at others in a new way, with true empathy and appreciation for the baggage that they themselves need to deal with.
It is easy to tell people to ‘leave it at home’ and not bring problems to work, but it is unrealistic and ineffective. People carry their baggage everywhere and that additional weight piles on top of everything else that needs to be carried for a successful meeting, task, or project. As a leader you can’t help others with their baggage before you are able to carry your own. Awareness is not enough, deep understanding is the key. You are not likely to achieve this deep understanding on your own. Our internal biases prevent us from seeing many of these internal drivers. Coaching, mentoring, therapy, behavioral development and other tools can help us on our journey to becoming great leaders.
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