The Power of Positive Language

or… Getting Your “But” Out of Your Head

I see the revenue projections you have made, but they aren’t correct because you didn’t account for lost sales due to higher tariffs.

I see the revenue projections you have made and I would like to know how you have accounted for the current trade environment and higher tariffs.

So which of these two statements demonstrates confidence in your team and instills in them a sense of accountability and ownership? The first response is a judgment. You assume (possibly correctly) that something was missed and demonstrate your superior ability by pointing it out. The second response is inquisitive and non judgmental. You may think the team missed something, but instead of pointing it out you ask open ended questions to get them to share their process or to come to the realization on their own that they missed something in their analysis.

In virtually every situation in life when responding to others, we would be better off replacing “but” with “and”. And is inclusive. But is divisive.

Let’s say you ask your team to give ideas on cost savings. We all know that we aren’t supposed to judge ideas, but how often are we guilty of a response like this:

Yes, we can reduce the number of available colors to cut costs, but we will probably lose customers as a result.

Whoever put out that idea just shut down. What happens if we respond like this instead?

Yes, we can reduce the number of available colors to cut costs, and we might lose customers. Could we do some market research to help us understand what impact that might have on sales and see if this is a reasonable trade-off?

How about in our personal life? Tell me, how do you feel when you hear this:

Yes we agreed, but that was before…

Hmmm. I don’t know about you but those words put me in defense mode, already formulating my counter argument. Let’s try this instead:

Yes we agreed, and now that we have new information, can we explore options?

I might not want to spend time exploring more options, but I’m a lot more willing to listen.

You can get “but” out of your vocabulary (mostly). This is not easy, and it’s OK to slip. When you feel it bubbling up, or even when it comes out, think to yourself “how can I make this statement inclusive?” or “Can I ask an open ended question to move the conversation in a way that addresses my concerns?” Using positive and inclusive language will keep others engaged, and assure that you get the most value out of your interactions with others.